It's Baby Making Season

Nine months from now, a butt-load of babies will be born. Every year, some University will use science to explain why there are so many babies born in August and September and it's wasted hours in the lab. The facts are these, it's the holiday season, everyone is stressed out, spent the to the max and boozed up. Most people are bound to throw down 5-7 unprotected humpings into a stranger this time of year. If you were born in August or September, take a long look at your parents because they did this, way back when. 

Here's a real interesting statistic worth considering from a 2007 survey; 97% of adults with children born in August or September say they were shit-faced during conception of that child. Of that 97%, 46% say at least one of the sex partners was wearing a Santa hat. Of that 46%, 81% say, not only were they wearing a Santa hat but they had at least one person, dressed as an elf, watching them have sex. Of the elfs that watched these sex sessions, 71% admit to scoring cocaine with the couple they were watching have sex. Of the elves high on coke, at least 3% of those admit to crashing the party where they met the couple. 

The other 11 months out of the year people walk straight up and down but in December it's beans and bushes first. Lead with your crotch it's December kids. It's time for runnin' and gunnin', lippin' and nippin', wettin' and wildin.' Keep your head on a swivel and protect your privates, mad people have STD's and the ones that don't are fetus incubators. 

 

(ALL STATISTICS PROVIDED WERE FABRICATED BY THE AUTHOR)